Thinking about Fear Part 1

I have been thinking about fear.

The other day a very beautiful and open 3 year old told me, "My dog's name is Ginger. She's going to die in a few days. I am going to die and that scares me." Oh, did my heart go out to him. I saw it with my own son too, at about the same age children become aware of death and it is deeply shaking for some of them. They do that lovely thing kids often do; you're going along in the car together or walking to the store holding hands or building a tower with blocks and they just nonchalantly say, "I am going to die." Or, "Mommy, I will miss you when you die." or some such straightforward and heart wrenching words that you feel completely unprepared for!

So what did I do for this 3 year old who just shared a deep and anxious fear? I said, "I know, I feel afraid about that too sometimes." After a moment or two, I did offer reassurances too, that most likely he will live for a very very very long time still and other such calming thoughts, but I started by just hearing him, "joining" with him. Even at 3, maybe especially at 3, we can join with each other in our fears and then, breath. Accept. There is no point in fighting the reality of death, and no reason to deny the fear. (Then my small friend got off the potty and ran back outside to play).

When my son went through this I had to decide if I really believe what I talk about, that by accepting and being with our feelings we are freer. I did not try to talk him out of his fear,  I just joined with him, agreed about it being scary. I didn't pretend or avoid. He did not become increasingly anxious, in fact he clearly moved on, as kids do. Did his fear disappear, or did he find a way to live with it, accepting it as part of being? That's my hope.